Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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