it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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