um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
