Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
