I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
