My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
