living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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