Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
