Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
