I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
