I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
