My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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