Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The maid of honor just puked.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
