Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
