Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
