Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
