She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
