im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
