1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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