New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
