Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
