the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
