So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
