I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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