ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
