Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
