I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
