My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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