her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize