You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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