I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
