Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
