question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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