You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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