So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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