well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
