Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
