He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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