your parents love me but you hate me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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