she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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