Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
