508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
