I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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