this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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