Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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