Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
