Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
