so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
