Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
