fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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