Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
