I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
