My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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