He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
