Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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