No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
