just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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