Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
