Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
