Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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