I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
