I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
