We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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