He passed out mid-signature
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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