Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
