Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize