what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
