I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
its not stalking. its research.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
